


ready

by amirlywritingfanficnow



Category: Andi Mack - Fandom
Genre: I JUST REALLY LOVE THEM, Kippen Siblings, T.J. Kippen and Amber are Siblings, this is really soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-22
Updated: 2019-07-22
Packaged: 2020-07-10 13:37:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19906585
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/amirlywritingfanficnow/pseuds/amirlywritingfanficnow
Summary: “Are you-““I’m ready.” TJ confirms.orWhere TJ comes to accept who he is and realizes he’s ready to be completely happy.





	ready

TJ hated feelings. He hated himself for feeling said feelings. He hated that he had to feel feelings. 

He hated Cyrus Goodman for making him feel them. 

He could never actually hate Cyrus, which was the problem. Cyrus made him feel butterflies, made him feel giddy. Made him feel happy. He turned TJ Kippen into the biggest cliché with just a smile. 

There were times where he’d just zone out and stare at Cyrus as he animatedly talked about another documentary TJ would pretend to watch — instead he just stared at him like a weirdo — and he’d have to stop himself from shouting his true feelings. 

For a while, TJ felt frustrated that Cyrus Goodman could never like him back. He was straight. 

Then Andi’s party happened. Cyrus liked him back. That should have made him feel immense joy, and he was happy, but the main thing he felt was paralyzing fear. 

He didn’t know how to be in a relationship. He didn’t know how to be honest with how he felt. He definitely didn’t know how to be open about who he was. There was no way he could. 

So TJ asked the thing he thought was unfair to Cyrus, but beneficial for his anxiety. 

“I’m not ready to be out. To anyone. I need to be ready in order to do this right, Underdog. Can we take this as slow it possibly can? I’m sorry.” 

Then Cyrus was of course the most understanding person in the world and didn’t want to pressure or rush TJ into anything he wasn’t completely ready for. 

That doesn’t help ease the guilt and the frustration. 

They’re alone for once. It’s a Saturday night in the middle of January and they’re on Cyrus’ couch right near the fire place. Cyrus’ dad and step mom were out on a date night so they were soaking in every bit of alone time they could. Captain America, TJ’s favorite movie, was playing on the TV above the fire place and TJ’s head laid atop Cyrus’ lap as he played with his hair. 

Everything about this should have made TJ feel calm, happy, and secure; it didn’t. It only made his guilt intensify. 

“Hey, what’s wrong?” Cyrus’ voice snapped TJ out of his head for a needed moment. 

He tries to deny that there’s anything wrong, he really does. But it doesn’t come out of his mouth that way. 

“I’m sorry you haven’t been able to tell your friends about,” TJ pauses to think. “About what we have.” 

When Cyrus looks back down at TJ, his eyes can’t help but fill with tears. Cyrus was beautiful. 

“Our friends. They’re our friends. Your feelings are completely valid and it’s okay that you’re not ready to tell our friends. It’s your choice who you tell and when and I’m not going to just take that away from you because I’m thrilled you actually like me back, okay.” 

“Shit, I like you so much.” TJ’s voice cracks again but this time he’s smiling up at Cyrus. How did he get so lucky? 

There were so many times where TJ just wanted to walk up to Cyrus and ask him out officially. Make them official. Then the thought catches up to him and the word relationship sucker punches him with fear. 

His sexuality wasn’t the only thing that held him back from being completely out and open with Cyrus. 

He never had a good example of love in his life. He had Amber who he would do anything for and Amber would do anything for him, too. But growing up as his parents fell out of love gave him a negative outlook on relationships. 

If love didn’t last, was there really a point to taking that step towards commitment and bravery? 

If someone is just going to leave in the end and break your heart, what would be the point to live those years happy when the end is inevitable? 

Cyrus is the point. Cyrus is worth it. He would let Cyrus Goodman break his heart into a million pieces twenty years from then if it meant he could spend those twenty years being happy. 

But that fear always got him. Cyrus may be worth it, but he’s not ready for Cyrus to be worth it. 

Keeping it a secret was tearing them apart and bringing them closer all at the same time. When they were out in groups, TJ was quiet and unsettled the whole time in fear he’ll accidentally let anything slip. When they’re alone, they’re as close as ever. TJ holds Cyrus hand, he hugs him, he cuddles him, he uses any opportunity to just be close. 

That eventually got them caught by Amber. 

She was supposed to be going out with Andi so TJ invited Cyrus over. Their mom was away on a case and TJ hadn’t been able to talk to Cyrus much in the passed week due to them always being out with their friends. 

All TJ wanted was to just cuddle on the couch with Cyrus and not worry about being cautious. 

They’re sat up right on the couch, legs tangled together as TJ rests his head on Cyrus’ shoulder. Anyone who saw them would believe the were a couple in love. Which is exactly what Amber thought. 

“When did this become a thing?” Amber squeals as she walks into the living room, a grin plastered on her face.

TJ jumps up and tries to get words out but nothing is coming. He looks to Cyrus for help and the look on Cyrus’ face softens at the look of panic on TJ’s. 

“Can I?” Cyrus practically whispers and TJ hesitantly nods. 

“Andi’s party.” 

Then TJ’s guilt worsens when he saw Amber’s face morph into a look of hurt. 

“That was almost two months ago. Why didn’t you tell me?” 

TJ shakes his head and shrugs, wishing anything but gibberish would come out of his mouth if he tried to talk. He couldn’t breathe. He thought he’d been ready to tell Amber a few days ago but every time he tried, it wouldn’t come out. 

“Hey, take a deep breath. I’m not mad you didn’t tell me, it’s okay.” Amber reaches out to TJ when she realizes just how panicked his breathing became. 

“I can’t.” 

As Cyrus and Amber tried to calm TJ down, the only thought in TJ’s head was that he couldn’t hide anymore. The look of hurt on Amber’s face was horrible and he didn’t want to feel that heart breaking guilt ever again. He wasn’t ready, though. He knew if he rushed into coming out and jumping into an official relationship with Cyrus that it wouldn’t work out. 

But the guilt he was feeling not being out was worse than the panic he felt about being out. 

“I’m gay.” Is the only thing that comes out of his mouth when he’s finally able to breathe and hear anything other than white noise. 

Hearing himself say those words lifts a weight off of his chest and the proud look in Cyrus and his sister’s eyes was enough to make him feel like it was going to be okay. 

It’s a Monday morning a month later and TJ’s on his laptop, scrolling with one hand and intertwining the other with Cyrus’. It’s March but it’s snowing out so school is cancelled. 

TJ is thinking about spring formal and he wants to be ready so he can ask Cyrus to the dance. That’s all he could ever possibly want. To slow dance in the middle of a room full of people and not care what those people could possibly think.

He knows Cyrus wants to ask him but he also knows TJ’s not ready to walk into a room full of people together. That automatically made him feel more guilt. 

He lets go of Cyrus’ hand to text Amber the scariest text he thinks he’ll ever send. 

Cyrus leans his head on TJ’s shoulder with a content smile and he realizes the text he just sent is going to be totally worth it in the end. 

“I want to be ready. I’m almost ready. I’m ready enough to plan everything out but holy shit, Amber. What if I’m just forcing myself to be ready?” 

“If you’re not ready, you won’t go through with this. You’ve been good with making sure you’re ready so everything doesn’t fail, I don’t think you’ll suddenly rush yourself into it. I know you. You want things to work out. You need things to work out. They won’t unless you’re ready.” 

“What if he says no because he thinks I’m not ready?” 

“Only you can determine if you’re ready. He’ll know when you know you’re ready. He’ll say yes, bro. Don’t worry.” Amber squeezes his arm in comfort. “So are we doing it?” 

“We’re doing it.” 

It’s a week later and TJ’s at a table with Cyrus across from him. Andi, Buffy, Jonah, and Marty are all laughing at something Cyrus said, which normally TJ would be, but his mind was far away. He was really about to do this. Their friends were going to know. If Cyrus said yes, in another month TJ would have to do something braver than this. 

“You okay there, TJ?” Buffy speaks up. The only thing he could respond with was a thumbs up. He knew Buffy was suspicious at that point, which didn’t really matter. What matter was that Cyrus was suspicious now. 

At this point he just wants Amber to hurry up. 

“Where is Amber? She’s being slower than usual today. I’m hungry.” Buffy complains. 

Guess he wasn’t the only one. 

Amber walks up with a plate and TJ feels like he’s going to pass out. 

“We haven’t ordered yet?” Andi speaks up as she notices Amber. 

“Oh, TJ ordered for Cyrus.” Amber grinned, placed the plate in front of Cyrus and walked away to watch from afar. 

“Will you go to spring formal with me?” was spelled out in the form of baby taters. Cyrus’ face lights up with happiness and shock. 

“TJ...” Cyrus smiles. 

“Will you?” He whispers, his voice choked. 

“Yes, yes, yes! Of course I will.” Cyrus grabs TJ’s hand and it takes Buffy clearing her throat to make TJ realize it wasn’t just him and Cyrus in the room. 

“Can someone explain what’s happening?” Andi, who’s on the far side of the table, asks. 

“Are- are you ready?” Cyrus whispers as he squeezes his hand under the table. 

TJ lets out a shaky breath but nods nonetheless. “Ready as I ever will be. Can, can we go back to my place though? I’ll get everyone’s orders to go.” 

The amount of people coming into the spoon was multiplying and he just wasn’t ready for that just yet. 

“Of course.” Buffy smiles softly. She could tell whatever was happening was important and that TJ needed calm. Just like Cyrus needed calm. 

Amber gives them their food on the house because she’s a good sister and soon they’re all walking to the Kippen household. Normally when TJ, Jonah, and Marty are together, they are complete chaos but TJ can’t get words out to be a dumbass. 

“Damn, Kippen, this must be serious. You haven’t said one dumb thing.” Marty pats him on the back. 

“This is coming from the person who just tried to stick five spoons on their nose with gum. I’m not the dumb one.” TJ responds as normally as he can. 

“You are both dumb.” Buffy and Cyrus respond at the same time and TJ can’t help but laugh with Marty. 

TJ feels like he can breathe for a second but then he realizes they’ve reached his house and the air is suddenly sucked from his lungs. 

Andi and Buffy had never been to the Kippen household before, surprisingly enough. Andi always hung out with Amber but they always went back to Andi Shack and talked. Never the Kippen household. 

They sit on the couch, Cyrus gets comfy on the loveseat and TJ’s standing in front of them. 

“So what’s going on?” Jonah speaks up. 

“I-uh,” TJ swallows the lump in his throat and can’t find it in him to look at the group. Instead he looks at Cyrus and stables himself. “I’m gay.” 

Cyrus reaches out and grabs TJ’s hand, squeezing it to help him calm down just a little. 

Andi gasps. “I’m proud of you for telling us. Is that why you’ve been acting so weird lately? You were scared to tell us?” 

“Sort of?” 

“Sort of?” Buffy urges on. 

“I have something else to tell you.” TJ looks at Cyrus and he nods. “I really like Cyrus and he’s known since Andi’s party. We’ve kind of been more than friends since then.” 

No one says anything for a second and then Buffy stands up and pulls TJ in for the biggest hug. “Don’t hurt my best friend, you got it?” 

TJ nods as he pulls away. 

It’s quiet again for another second when Marty starts singing Same Love by Macklemore. 

Why was he ever nervous to tell them? 

It’s officially the end of April and the spring formal is that night. Since coming out to his friends, he’s been able to breathe a little better and feel a little happier. It was freeing, really. 

But this was huge. He was going to a school dance with his more than friend, less than lover and they were going to dance in front of the whole school. TJ knew he was ready. That didn’t stop the severe anxiety he felt the whole day before the dance. Cyrus had come over two hours before they were going to take pictures and found TJ sick to his stomach. 

“You don’t have to do this if you’re not ready.” He reminds him. 

“Cyrus, I’m as ready as I ever have been. I’m just nervous.” TJ holds out his pinky. “I promise.” 

Cyrus gives him a soft smile and that’s what it takes for the nerves to fade away for a few minutes. He grins back at his not-so-boyfriend. 

For the first hour of the dance, TJ sits at the table and watches Cyrus dance with his friends. He needs to be sure he’s ready. He knows he is. He’s the most ready he’ll ever be but this was going to change his life. After getting dragged out onto the dance floor by Marty, he loosens up. He’s having fun dancing to upbeat pop songs and screaming along with Marty and Jonah. He’s having fun dancing with Cyrus, Buffy and Andi. He’s having fun.

Then a slow song comes on and he knows it’s time. He knows it’s the moment that is going to entirely change his life. He knows Cyrus is looking at him expectantly so he takes a deep breath and turns to the light of his life. 

“May I have this dance?” TJ asks with his hand out and Cyrus happily accepts. He laughs a little as Buffy and Marty stand there with their hands over their mouths, trying to contain their excited squeals. 

TJ swallows as he pulls Cyrus close to him and sway to the music. He hears the whispers and he knows Cyrus does too but he’s doing what he’s wanted to do since he discovered he liked Cyrus. He was slow dancing with the boy of his dreams at a school dance and he was happy. 

Cyrus’ smile lights up his whole world and God, he was without a doubt ready. 

“Cyrus?” TJ’s voice is shaky and Cyrus pulls back a little to make sure he’s okay. 

“TJ?” 

TJ breathes in, stares Cyrus dead in the eye and smiles softly. “Cyrus. Will you be my boyfriend?” 

Cyrus is shocked. He tries to speak but all that comes is stuttering. Once he finally catches his breath, he starts with, “Are you-“ 

“I’m ready.” TJ confirms. 

“Then yes, TJ, I will be your boyfriend.” 

Then TJ can’t help but pull Cyrus in for the tightest hug possible as he cries tears of happiness. 

When they pull away, Cyrus notices the tears in his eyes. “What’s wrong?” 

“I’m just so damn happy.” TJ grins. 

“Me too.” Cyrus grins right back. 

They slow danced without a care in the world. They were happy and it didn’t matter what anyone else around them thought. They had each other and that’s all that mattered. 

Whatever was to come, TJ was ready.

**Author's Note:**

> not proofread. 
> 
> comment, kudos; please, it makes me happy :)


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